You know when you go on holiday to some exotic clime and you think, “Oh I’ll buy a little something for the office from here. You know, just to be nice.” You do this and everyone in your office appreciates the kind gesture. What happens is Japan is, “Oh, I better not forget to buy something for the office or they will regard me as scum.”

Yes, in Japan buying a little something for the office is basically expected of you. You not only have to buy them when you go on a big holiday but also if you go on a weekend trip somewhere. I dunno about you but when I worked in an office I definitely did not expect random snacks every time someone went on a weekend trip to Margate.

These little gifts, known in Japanese as omiyage, can be just about any small foodstuff. Generally sweets, chocolates, cakes or jelly but can also include stuff like sake and cheese. Omiyage is what I blame for there being no Japanese version of Mars Celebrations, but that is another story.

Omiyage is also another example of not being able to trust anything your Japanese-English dictionary says. The usual translation for omiyage is generally souvenir. Don’t trust that definition for a second. The always useful Dictionary.com defines souvenir as:

“A usually small and relatively inexpensive article given, kept, or purchased as a reminder of a place visited, an occasion,etc.;memento.”

Sure, omiyage is generally small but souvenirs are supposed to be a reminder of a place visited. Many times the place that you have just visited may hold no special meaning for the person receiving the omiyage or, at least, none that you are aware of. This is it just something that you must give to co-workers/family/friends, simply because that is what people do.

The best meaning for omiyage I can think up is:

 ”A small gift (usually food) that you must give people after you have been on a trip, otherwise they will think you are rude.”

Omiyage is so ubiquitous that shops dedicated to the selling of it are at just about any location of vague interest. Anywhere even just a little bit touristy has these things all over the place. Worse is that in the many shinkansen stations and airports dotted around Japan there are now omiyage shops which specialise in goods from other regions. So, say a couple who live in Tokyo visit Kyoto for a weekend, they no longer have to bother with the difficult process of thinking of others while there. They can just buy some random stuff from Kyoto at Tokyo train station when they return. Even madder there are now companies that have “Omiyage catalogues” which deliver this stuff to your door. So you don’t even have to take the time to go to a shop.

To me omiyage seems to be a thing that people are expected to do rather than stuff given out of the goodness of their heart, which is kind of sad. But perhaps this culture of gift giving has lead to the BEST THING EVER MADE™.

I recently went on a trip to Yamanashi, the prefecture where Mount Fuji is. We went for a drive up to the base of the mountain and there I found something incredible, Mount Fuji shaped melon bread. Anyone who knows me will be aware that I think freshly made, bakery melon bread is the greatest of all Japanese food. Shaping it in such a cool Japanese way just perfects it. Not only that it was, hand on heart, perhaps the greatest melon bread I have ever tasted. Having sampled it for myself I realised that I had to share its greatness with others. So, I am telling you about it dear readers and I also bought a couple to share with my house-mates.

THAT was done out of the goodness of my heart, as they are British folk no omyiage is expected but this find is something that I just had to give them a chance to try.

Japan has quite the drinking culture, in many companies you are expected to go out with your colleagues after work, get smashed with them, get back home at 1 in the morning and then come into work the next day at 6am fresh-faced. To do anything else would make you a bad worker. Quite what effect this has on Japanese society I have no idea but it does result in a few unusual posters in bars. Once, upon going to the loo, I was confronted with this, staring me in the face.

It made me very confused, let me break down why…

お体を
okarada wo
Your body

大切に。
taisetsu ni
carefully

注意
chuui
Caution

いつまでも美味しいお酒をのみましょう
itsumademo oishii osake wo nomimashou
Let’s drink delicious alcohol forever.

As you can see, what I thought everything meant really didn’t make much sense. I really didn’t have any idea how to approach the xxをxxに sentence structure but luckily, for some reason, suddenly started to see it everywhere. From the TV shows I was watching to posters drawn by school children.

From these I discovered that when this grammar is present on a poster often the verb しよう (shiyou) is dropped. The meaning of this verb is Let’s do. This turns the sentence into an informal command. So when you put it all together the sentence becomes…

お体を大切にしよう。
okarada wo taisetsu ni shiyou.
Treat your body with care.

This all makes sense given the picture but what about that last sentence on the poster? “Treat your body carefully, Let’s drink delicious alcohol forever.” That’s either incredibly mixed messages or I’ve missed something there too.

 

I recently had the pleasure of watching Stephen Fry’s excellent Planet Word TV series. Much like his earlier English Delight radio show, Planet Word was a very interesting look at language and how it shapes us. As someone who is not only learning a 2nd language but also teaching his 1st to people, I really enjoyed this programme and what it had to tell me.

The final episode of the series focused on literature and one small part really got me thinking. It concerned Shakespeare’s famous “To be, or not to be” soliloquy, a passage which is powerful and haunting yet, as they point out in the programme, has become a cliché and lost its strength. Watching the show was the first time I’d ever really thought about that speech and what an amazing turn of phrase it is and I thank the makers of the programme for that. As the show continued they looked into how it has been translated and changed in other languages and if those translations really convey the message accurately. As they didn’t mention it, I began to wonder how “To be, or not to be” has been translated into Japanese. I took my question to Google and discovered a gold mine.

On YouTube I found a video clip from a Japanese play called Tenpou Juuni Nen no Sheikusupia (12th Year of the Tenpou Era Shakespeare). This play apparently is a retelling of all 37 of Shakespeare’s plays in the setting of Tenpou era Japan (1830-1844). I’m not sure of the tone this play takes but judging by the videos I’ve seen it looks pretty humorous. In the clip I found Tatsuya Fujiwara, who some may recognise from the likes of Battle Royal and Death Note, delivering various translations of “To be or not to be” from down the ages. This delighted me but I wondered how accurate these translations are. The language used here is a minefield of old-fashioned Japanese but with the help of my Japanese teacher I was able to decipher it and discover what “To be, or not to be” literally means to the Japanese people.

The following is 12 ways “To be, or not to be” has been translated over the years:

生きるべきか、死ぬべきか、それが問題だ。
ikiru beki ka, shinu beki ka, sore ga mondai da
Should I live or should I die. That is the problem.

生きてとどまるか、消えてなくなるか、それが問題だ。
ikite todomaru ka, kiete nakunaru ka, sore ga mondai da
To stop living or to disappear and die. That is the problem.

このままでいいのか、行かないのか、それが問題だ。
konomama de ii noka, ikanai noka, sore ga mondai da
Just like this is fine? To not die? That is the problem.

やる、やらぬ、それが問題だ。
yaru, yaranu, sore ga mondai da
To do it, not to do it. That is the problem.

生き続ける、生き続けない、そのが難しい所だ。
ikitsudukeru, ikitsudukenai, sono ga muzukashii tokoro da
To carry on, not to carry on. That is the difficult place.

生か死か、それが奇問だ。
sei ka shi ka, sore ga kimon da
Life or death. That is the tricky question.

どっちなのだ、さーそれが奇問！
docchi nanoda, saaa sore ga kimon
Which is it? Aaah that is the tricky question!

長らえる、長らえぬ、それが奇問じゃ。
nagaraeru, nagaraenu, sore ga kimon jya
To live a long life, not to have a long live. That is the tricky question.

長らえる、長らえぬ、ここが考え所じゃ。
nagaraeru, nagaraenu, koko ga kangae tokoro jya
To live a long life, not to have a long live. Here is the place where I think.

死ぬかましか、生きるかましか、思案をするはここぞ。
shinu kamashi ka, ikiru kamashi ka, shian wo suru wa koko zo
To force myself to die or to force myself to live. It seems like I consider here.

長らえるべきか、しかしまた長らえぬべきにあらざるか、ここが思案の所ぞ。
naraeru beki ka, shikashi mata nagaraenu beki ni arazaru ka, koko ga shian no tokoro zo
Should I have a long life but then again should I not have a long life. Here is like the consideration place.

あります、ありません、あれは何ですか？
arimasu, arimasen, are wa nan desu ka
To exist, to not exist, what’s that?

As you can tell I was probably a bit too literal and cheeky with some of these translations (especially as mondai can just as easily be translated as question) but it lets you discover the flavour of the language a bit. I’ll also let you decide for yourself which translation captures the true spirit of the original.

I have spoken before about packed lunches but not about the cooked lunches they serve at Japanese schools. Unlike in the UK, in Japanese schools everybody eats the same thing. The children collect the lunches from the kitchen and then dish it out and eat it in their classrooms. Once everyone has been served their food the class rep for the day reads a sheet given to all the classes containing a few facts about what they are eating.

These sheets of paper are delightfully named, Paku Paku Dayori. Paku paku is one of many Japanese onomatopoeic words which translates to the sound of chewing, while dayori means information. A serious translator may render this as Lunch Information but I prefer to call them Munch Munch Information sheets. These notes contain the menu, something about one particular piece of food being eaten and, this being Japan, a little mascot. Sometimes there is even a quiz.

While sitting down and trying to read the Munch Munch Information I have found that sometimes the way that Japanese classify and teach the children about food is very different to how it is done in the UK. For those interested, here are a few sample school meals that I’ve had recently and translated Munch Munch Information to go with them.

Lets put our hands together, yell Itadakimasu and tuck in.

Today’s menu:

• rice
• sesame seed soy sauce mix
• soup with fried tofu, shiitake mushrooms, carrots, sweet potatoes and daikon
• tuna ageni [Note: ageni is a Japanese style of cooking which first fries the meat and then boils it after]
• milk

Fish… Protein rich food which makes your body strong.

Fish is rich in protein which makes our bodies. Chiefly it works to grow muscle and produce blood. Also, because you can eat this fish’s bones, the calcium will make your bones, teeth and other things healthy. Today’s ageni is made from grilled and simmered tuna.

Quiz!

What colour group of food is fish?

1) Black 2) Red 3) Green

———-
Original Sheet

Wow! When I said that food is classified differently, I wasn’t joking. I guess that the quiz at the end is confusing you a bit. In Japanese schools food groups are classified into colours . In the original text it talks about food in the ‘red’ food group. My Japanese teacher tells me that the red group is basically food high in protein so I translated it all mention of it to ‘high protein food’ instead. I kept the question a more direct translation simply to fry (and then boil, much like tuna ageni) your brains.
———-

Today’s Menu:

• turmeric rice
• minestrone soup
• curry
• milk
• fruit salad

About spices

Every time spices are used they can add colour, smell and spiciness to cooking. Curry powder is an ingredient in today’s curry. In order to add things like sharpness, spiciness, yellow colour and a nice smell to curry powder many spices are mixed. The turmeric which is in turmeric rice is the source of curry power’s yellow colour.

———–
Original Sheet

This one was a bit more straight forward but for those who can read Japanese have a look at the last sentence on the original paper. After I read that, I thought the Japanese language had begun using some form of recursion.
———–

Today’s menu:

• Sliced bread
• spinach sauté
• chilli con carne
• milk

Spinach

There are dark coloured (high beta-carotine) vegetables and light coloured (low beta-carotine) vegetables. Spinach is a dark vegetable. High beta-carotine vegetables contain lots of carotine which makes things like your nose and throat healthy . Today the school lunch has high beta-carotine vegetables other than spinach in it, such as carrots.

———-
Original Sheet

Here was another example of different Japanese food terminology, referring to high beta-carotine vegetables as dark coloured and low beta-carotine as light coloured. I was also shocked that the Japanese words for high and low beta-carotine (which obviously I had to look up) were being written down willy-nilly on a sheet that 6-year-old Japanese kids are supposed to read. Hell, I had to check what that meant myself, I wonder if the little kids could get their heads around it.
———–

That was 3 days worth of Japanese school food, aren’t you just jealous of my tasty lunches?

I have already told you about Japanese stereotypes of British people but how do you think Japanese people think we (and by we I mean non-Japanese) see them?

That may seem like an odd somewhat convoluted question but it is exactly the topic covered by the 1989 song Funk Fujiyama by Kome Kome Club.  Just how accurate are they? Lets find out.

ワタシハ NIHON ハジメテデス
watashi wa nihon hajimete desu
It’s my first time in Japan.

GINZAトッテモさんデスGOOD!
Ginza tottemo-san desu GOOD!
Ginza is very GOOD!

ジャペーンのLADY 女性ミンナUTAMAROデス!
jyapeen no LADY jyosei minna UTAMARO desu!
Japan lady women are all Utamaro.

YOSHIWARAトッテモさんデスGOOD!
YOSHIWARA tottemosan desu GOOD!
Yoshiwara is really GOOD!

A’ha A’ha 空を越えて
A’ha A’ha sora wo koete
A’ha A’ha Cross the sky,

A’ha A’ha 海を越えて
A’ha A’ha umi wo koete
A’ha A’ha cross the sea,

A’ha A’ha 丘を越えて行けばガイジン
A’ha A’ha oka wo koete ikeba gaijin
A’ha A’ha cross the hills and if you go you will be a foreigner.

GET’S YOU! GET’S YOU! MAN

—Chorus———————————————–
えーびばでい SAMURAI SUSHI GEISHA
eebibidei SAMURAI SUSHI GEISHA
Everybody samurai, sushi, geisha.

びゅうていほーる FUJIYAMA HA! HA! HA!
byuuteifuuru FUJIYAMA HA! HA! HA!
Beautiful Mount Fuji, HA! HA! HA!

コンニチワ サヨナラ コレイクラ
konnichiwa sayonara kore ikura
Hello, goodbye, how much is this?

カミカゼ HARAKIRI HA! HA! HA!
kamikaze HARAKIRI HA! HA! HA!
Kamikaze, harakiri, HA! HA! HA!
———————————————————

カケジク好きDETH ミソスープ
kakejiku suki DETH miso suupu
I like hanging scrolls (DEATH!) , miso soup.

きゃめらハダイジョブ さんデスGOOD!
kyamera wa daijyobu san desu GOOD!
The camera is fine, GOOD!

OCHA SAKE HIROSHIMA NARA KYOTO
Green tea, sake, Hiroshima, Nara, Kyoto.

ですこじゃ ぎゃるに
desukojya gyaruni
Disco girl,

もぉてんDETHグーッと!
mooten DETH guuddo!
modern, death, goooood!

A’ha A’ha 虹を越えて
A’ha A’ha niji wo koete
A’ha A’ha Cross the raindow,

A’ha A’ha 夜を越えて
A’ha A’ha yoru wo koete
A’ha A’ha Cross the night,

A’ha A’ha 時差を越えて ボケテ ネボケテ
A’ha A’ha jisa wo koete hokete nebokete
A’ha A’ha Cross the time zones, you will be befuddled and only half awake.

GET’S YOU! MAN

(Chorus)

『ワタシニデンワシテクダサイ
watashi ni denwa shitekudasai
Please phone me

デカケルトキハワスレズニ…』
dekakeru toki wa wasurezu ni
when I go out I won’t forget!

A’ha A’ha 空を越えて
A’ha A’ha sora wo koete
A’ha A’ha Cross the sky,

A’ha A’ha 海を越えて
A’ha A’ha umi wo koete
A’ha A’ha cross the sea,

A’ha A’ha 丘を越えて行けばガイジン
A’ha A’ha oka wo koete ikeba gaijin
A’ha A’ha cross the hills and if you go you will be a foreigner.

GET’S YOU! GET’S YOU! MAN

(Chorus) x2

With regards to the translation, the first thing that stuck out for me when I copied the lyrics from a well known Japanese lyric website was that the English bits were written in Hiragana (mostly) and the Japanese bits were written in Katakana, which is the opposite of how things are usually written. I thought that was (kind of) clever. The next thing is that I guess this is supposed to be sang as though it is a foreigner singing so there is a lot of random English words in there and not only that, they are doing some funky things with Japanese as well.

Sometimes there are adding a random さん(san) to adverbs. In Japanese using san as a suffix basically means “Mr”, for example “Tanaka-san” means “Mr Tanaka”. I’ve no idea why they were adding it to the end of adverbs. Also, on occasion, they say “death” seemingly randomly. I think they did this because “death” sounds very similar to です(desu) which means “It is” and often used at the end of sentences. Their little joke is pretty impossible to translate.

I had trouble making out what they were saying in the line “mooten DETH guuddo!”. Going by the fact it is in Hiragana, I think they are trying to say an English word but I have no idea what it is. As a result that entire line makes no sense. What do you think they are saying there? Please let me know.

A new piece of grammar for me was the 〜ず(~zu) ending for verbs. After a bit of internet digging I found that using “-zu ni” makes it a ‘without’ kind of negative, someone did something without doing something else prior. For example:

牛乳を飲まずに給食を食べる。
gyunyu wo nomazu ni kyushoku wo taberu.
I eat school lunch without drinking milk.

So in the song he goes out without forgetting to call.

Ginza and Yoshiwara are places in Tokyo, while Utamaro refers to Kitagawa Utamaro an old Japanese painter.

——————————————————–

This may be a very silly song but I feel that they are spot on. They are trying to say the things that non-Japanese discuss when they think of Japan. In the song they mention stuff like samurai, geisha, harakiri and kamakazi. In my experience these are exactly the kind of things that people talk about when I tell them I live in Japan. I spent much of this summer back in England and Colombia and when Japan was brought up they would often make some kind of weak joke about this stuff.

In fact, in Colombia such talk was often accompanied by this pose, which was disappointing.

Anyway, I discovered this song from an internet show which goes by the name of You Can Play This. The fellow on there shows us some video games which were only released in Japan but lets us know that, with a little bit of effort, we can all play them. This song really is a perfect fit for the show’s theme tune and I encourage you to check them out if you like video games at all.

In other news, I can’t wait to sing this song at karaoke. It’s another to add to my Karaoke Hit List.