You see, I am half-Colombian. So even though my character is as English as hell I am proud to say that I have some Colombian in me. Being half-English and half-Colombian makes a very special, more unique whole and is a lot more interesting than being simply of just one culture. This is the way I have always thought about things and so I was surprised when the people being interviewed didn’t like it said.

Fast forward a little and in the process of learning Japan I learnt how to introduce myself. Obviously being half-Colombian is quite important to me so I learnt how to say it in Japanese: “coronbiajin no haafu desu”. I didn’t really think about it again for a while.

Fast forward until more recently and I discovered that when the Japanese talk about someone who has one Japanese parent they simply refer to them as haafu with no more explanation. At the time I put this down to quaint Japanese historical reasons that I don’t really want to get into here. Whatever the case it seems that whatever their other half happens to be is not important.

Leap forward one last time dear chrononaut to a few weeks ago and my house-mates were discussing a 4 or 5 year old student who lived in Canada when she was younger and comes out with some quite funky sentences. When one asked the other if both her parents were Japanese and this was answered in the affirmative he said “I thought she may have been a half“.

Suddenly those interviews I had watched years earlier made perfect sense. How offensive does it sound in English to be referred to as only half a person? Maybe there are other reasons for their shunning of the term but maybe if you are a half-Japanese, half-English speakingplaceperson and understand what these words mean and imply in both languages, you can’t help but be unhappy.

It’s strange how words can be loaded with so much meaning.

This kind of thing has resulted in me giving Roppongi a bit of a wide berth when having a night out. Recently though I had to go there to get myself a Chinese VISA. As I had to get there ridiculously early I found I had plenty of time after to explore. To my shock I didn’t find people jumping out at me promising cheap drinks, cheap live music or cheap love but a rather nice bookshop. So after a bit of exploring I found a couple of interesting places that anyone who comes to Japan should check out.

F1 Pit Stop Cafe

I have been quite a big fan of F1 for the last 20 odd years, following the ups and downs of the drivers with much interest but I never expected to see an F1 themed restaurant. Inside is a treasure trove of F1 memorabilia, a load of celebrity signatures and even a Red Bull F1 car.

I came in at lunch time and the lunch menu had an optional salad bar and dessert but oddly every dish I could see on the menu was pasta. Is pasta particularly popular in F1 circles? Is that Bernie Ecclestone’s favourite? Why only pasta? Whatever the reason, I felt they missed a trick with the naming of the food. Why call something Spaghetti Bolognese, when you can call it David Coulthard This is my Year Bolognese? Why not have Ferrari Team Orders Lasagne or Champion’s Wall garlic bread? A missed opportunity indeed.

One more thing about the food is that they serve large portions for no extra cost, which is a bit of a bargain but I was not so hungry so I chose regular size. I was shocked that 2 different waiters had to check 4 times that I didn’t want large. Very odd, despite this strangeness the food was very tasty and I yummed it up.

Around the restaurant they had a number of TV screens showing an F1 race from 2009, can’t remember which it was though. There was also a shop were you can buy a large amount of overpriced F1 souvenirs.

As I left the bar I noticed that someone was eating steak and chips. Maybe I should have turned the page when reading the menu.

Official Website

Ludia’s Bar

This is an unusual one. Ever play any Dragon Quest games from Square-Enix? If you are from the UK then maybe not, only about 2 have ever been released there. Here in Japan however there have been countless Dragon Quest games and spin-offs made, it is really popular here. Despite never playing the games myself, I ventured in here and they really have gone the whole hog with it.

It is built to resemble a Tavern as seen in about a million fantasy stories but was a bit smaller that I expected and is a standing bar only. The food and drink all are given difficult to translate names and themes based on the video games, I especially liked the slime shaped niku man I ate, a clever little idea. On the bar there are a load of turkey legs and strange looking ball things under a heater, which is the last thing you expect to see when you walk in anywhere. The bar is also decorated with various swords and trinkets which I guess are from the games.

The staff (well the female staff anyway) are dressed like serving ladies from the games and here it all takes a maid café like turn. Maid cafés are hardly my favourite places in the world, the girls are basically paid to make chatter with you, smile and looked nice. One asked me in Japanese if I had played Dragon Quest 4, it has funny and interesting characters apparently.

For what it is worth, the food was rather tasty but I didn’t eat too much, I had just eaten a slap up (regular sized) meal at the F1 café so I was fairly full. I do think the menu is a little pricey though, my beer was 1000 yen. On the way out of the bar I got a loyalty card (hmm) and a slime fan for those hot summer days (yay).

Official Website

So these are just a couple of places of interest in Roppongi, I’m sure there are plenty more, I heard people say Tokyo Midtown is nice but I think it is just a posh shopping centre with a load of expensive shops and a Starbucks. Even though I was wondering around in the middle of the day, I felt I couldn’t quite escape Roppongi’s seedy underbelly, I often saw vans marked Escort Location Service with a seemingly endless number of girls in kimonos exiting them and walking somewhere.

Anyway, where ever you happen to be, go exploring, you just may find something interesting.

Most are inoffensive enough, at the moment there is a nice one advertising the 70th anniversary of Puffin Books and a little while ago, there was one showing Unit-01 from Evangelion destroying Shibuya Tower Records. Which is an interesting way to advertise a DVD (and Blu-ray!) disc.

Yesterday, while waiting around for friends in Shibuya (which seems to be something I have to do a lot) I popped into Tower Records and was greeted with this:

Here the guy is saying something along the lines of “Do you want me to stop?” while I think the girl is saying “When will you stop?”. Then at the bottom it states in English “How long does a kiss take?”

Hmm….

Move along 1 lift and you can see this:

Here the guy seems to be saying “But I dare not stop.”, while the English at the bottom says “But I don’t let you stop”.

Hmmmm……

CONTEXT PLEASE TOWER RECORDS!

No wonder manga gets such a bad press sometimes in foreign countries with stuff like this plastered all over lift doors. I’m sure to those who know the story and characters presented here this is all sweet, innocent, lovely and bunny rabbits or whatever but to me it looks like someone being sexually assaulted in a lift.

Which is not what I want to see while shopping on a Sunday afternoon.

Taiyaki is basically made with something similar to waffle batter traditionally containing anko sweet bean paste inside. For some reason it is baked into the shape of a fish (hence the name taiyaki or “baked sea bream”). It is really quite tasty and when I first bought one I don’t think I even knew what anko was so I thought there was some kind of Chocolate in there.

Recently I think taiyaki stalls and shops have been getting more and more creative and been putting thing such as custard, chocolate and the incredibly delicious strawberry cream. The aforementioned local taiyaki shop even sells savoury ones, some simply have a cheese filling but others go the whole hog with bacon, sausage, lettuce and mayonnaise, sometimes they even sell okonomiyaki filled ones. This has unfortunately lead me to have whole takoyaki dinners, the bacon, egg and mayo taiyaki followed by a yummy strawberry cream one for dessert. This combination cannot be good for me!

Taiyaki are very famous in Asian countries and often crop up in the most surprising of places. In fact, a children’s song released in the seventies called Oyogi! Taiyaki-kun (Swim! Taiyaki) is the best selling record ever in Japan. The story of the song is about a taiyaki who escapes the production line to the sea and has a good time but in the end gets caught and eaten by a fisherman. I guess the story resonated with salary men of the time who wished to escape there own dreary existence but in the end they knew that it would be too difficult. The last line of the song goes something along the lines of “I’m just a taiyaki, this is my fate”, I guess the salary men of the seventies felt the same way as they were being stuffed into the train during the morning commute.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dq2xiLxAiIs

Armed with this knowledge I was very happy that during my first trip to Odaiba, a Japanese family asked me to take their picture. So I put the viewfinder up to my eye and shouted “Say CHEESE!”.

I got nothing, no response, no reaction.

Slightly embarrassed I took the photo, gave them the camera back and made a hasty retreat. You see, Japanese people do indeed say cheese, or more accurately “Hai, Chizu!”, before they take a picture. However it seems to be for no apparent reason. Saying cheese is an attempt to get the person whose picture you are taking to smile but in Japanese the ZU sound will only ever get people to make an O with their mouths and all look as though they have just solved a difficult problem.

Although it seems impossible, there is a way to get Japanese people to smile when taking their picture. All it requires is a simple maths problem. Just say “1+1 is?” (ichi tasu ichi wa?) and people will reply “2!” (ni). The “ni” should create a nice wide smile in your quarry.

Ironically if you tried this in England people would just say “two” and look as though they had just solved a difficult problem.

DoCoMo, the number one mobile operator in Japan has decided to hit back with a multi-celebrity led advertising campaign. Who should they get in an attempt to muscle business back from Softbank?

Squeaky clean J-pop starlet (and guilty pleasure), Kaela Kimura.
Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Vader.
Tom Cruse’s mate off The Last Samurai, Ken Watanabe.

That’s just about the strangest combination of people I’ve every seen try to sell anything. Also they all seem to be saying: “I am <insert name here>’s mobile phone”. It doesn’t really seem to make sense to me.

Anyone ever seen an odder mix of people advertising a product?

Up until fairly recently I only have been to see the big bands, the AC/DCs , X JAPANs, Radioheads and Shiina Ringos of this world. What all these gigs had in common was an insanely large hall, a funky stage and were all seated. When I first arrived at these gigs I was shocked, who wants to sit down to listen to rock music? As it turned out no one did. As soon as the music starts everybody stands up. Some jump up and down a bit, some have a wiggle but everyone basically stays in more or less the same place not really doing too much. The chairs thing really just seems to be there to stop people from moving around.

All the concerts I went to in the big halls I really enjoyed, all had great moments and were worth the (large amount of) money but I felt they were missing something. I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was though.

And then I went to see a few gigs at live houses, with smaller bands such as GO!GO!7188, Oreskaband and Midori. These live houses are basically small stages in little empty halls with not much else in them other than a bar. It’s at these gigs I discovered what the bigger ones were missing, being up close and personal with a band and their fans.

These bands are less well known, the venue is smaller, the fans are generally more hardcore and have invested a lot in the band; the atmosphere is just more electric. The fans really seem to express themselves more. At the large venues people seem to call out things like “I love you” and “You’re amazing” or do the dance moves that are expected of them (The X Jump for example).  While at the small gigs people are moshing, jumping about wildly, crowd surfing, and sweating like hell. So much so that most people carry towels with them, which I find quite cute.

I feel that the bands really get off on this atmosphere too. While the big bands are big bands for a reason and are generally great at what they do, everything is highly polished. With the likes of raising platforms, pyrotechnics and choreographed dancers, you feel everything has been rehearsed and rehearsed, not leaving anything to chance. The smaller bands meanwhile interact with the audience more, they have a chat, give them set list options and you can see them really get a charge from it. Some hang around after the gig and don’t mind people coming up to them to say hello. In the case of Midori, a band whose members I’ve discovered are a bit mental, the lead singer does things like crowd surf, strip to her underwear and push the drummer off his drums only to start playing them really, really badly.

I would have enjoyed that particular carry on a bit more if it wasn’t for the fact I had just lost my watch and been elbowed in the face, twice.

Who am I kidding? I loved it, every last second.

Now, I would try to compare going to see bands in Japan with going to see bands in the UK but honestly, I can’t. I mostly went to festivals while at home and can only remember seeing Metallica and Idelwild at their own gigs. The only thing I even remember about the Idelwild gig is that I enjoyed the support more than them. That point actually brings me to the only comparison I can actually make: I have yet to see anyone play in Japan with a support band, I should stop expecting any to be there.

Anyway, I leave you with some wise words from Mariko Goto, the lead singer of Midori.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtM-n9c-T4Y

Since I’ve been in Japan, and even beforehand if I’m honest, I have discovered a fair number of great bands and singers and I think it is time to share them with you now.

JUDY AND MARY

Judy and Mary were a pop punk band mostly active in the 90s who had so much energy. The band’s front woman, Yuki has one of those voices, really high and it comes as a bit of a shock after a rocking guitar riff. If you look past that though you soon get used to it and can be treated to some strange and eclectic stuff. Since they disbanded Yuki has gone on to have a very successful solo career, but other then having fabulous videos, I don’t think it has been a patch on her work with JAM.

Go! Go! 7188

This band is a strange one. Apparently they started as a Judy and Mary cover band back in the day but then branched out and started to write their own songs. The thing I find odd about them is that while they have written some brilliant, brilliant songs the rest are just a bit samey and they stick to the same formula religiously. Another thing worth noting is that I once went up to the bassist (the girl on the left) and told her I loved her. She looked scared.

Midori

It’s hard to define Midori’s style of music. My best attempt would be to say it is Jazz played in the style of a death metal band. They seem to be very proficient at their chosen instruments but sometimes tend to ignore this in favour of just hitting them over and over. Their lead singers voice ranges from sugary sweetness to demon from the pits of despair. Probably the only band I know with songs that have cute duets followed by a girl barking like a dog for the whole chorus. Can be a bit hit and miss sometimes but it is wonderful that they are trying to do something so different.

Also whoever decided to do this photo shoot with them deserves a prize.

Shiina Ringo

Have I ever mentioned I like this lady’s music before? Oh yes! Here, here, here, here and here. Go listen to her, she is incredible.
On another note, in this picture her right and left side look like two completely different people! For a woman who is so obsessed with symmetry I find this slightly ironic.

Tokyo Jihen

Ringo’s band. I once read them described as a multi-headed hydra, all pulling in different directions. In a way I agree, all of it’s members are very talented but together there is no leader and the music lacks cohesion and it dilutes  everything they do. Saying that though it’s still Shiina Ringo singing. I think this band really does shine when it plays live, just search “Dynamite Out” on Youtube for some of the most wonderful live music (and the most wonderful hat ever too).

X Japan

X Japan are pretty legendary, they more or less invented Visual-kei music but in all fairness that is more of a look and less about the music. In reality they are just a great speed metal band all of whose members are very, very talented at what they do. Yoshiki, the band’s main creative force, is both an excellent drummer and excellent pianist. It is sometimes shocking to so a man who plays the drums so hard he needs to wear a neck brace suddenly change instruments and play a beautiful piano piece.

the pillows

The pillows were the first Japanese band I really got into. I discovered them through a quite barmy anime called FLCL. Their music is a lot of fun and for a time in the late 90s to the early 00s they could do no wrong and would pump out great album after great album. They are still active now but for perhaps the last 5 years their albums have seemed a little dull and by the numbers, which is a shame.

So that’s a few bands who have been notable in my Japanese music listening life. There are plenty more good’uns out there that I haven’t mentioned and hopefully that I’ve still to discover. Still I hope after this you give the bands I’ve mentioned a bit of a google, it really is worth it.

So now the only things of note in Akihabara is the awesome man rapping about contact lenses and Maid Cafés. Maid Cafés are kind of unusual, the seem to cater for the the fantasies of Otaku where basically the waitresses dress in costumes based on French maids and try to act cute or “moe“.

I first went to a maid café over a year ago and found the whole experience a bit uncomfortable. My friend and I ordered overpriced tea and when the maid arrived with it she made a heart shape with her hands and then said something I didn’t understand followed by “Chu, Chu, CHU”. With each chu she thrust her hands towards the cup and encouraged us to do the same. We just looked at each other, slightly frightened.

I found the only enjoyment I got from the whole expirience was watching other peoples reactions to this Chu Thrusting. One guy was really into it, the guy wearing a novelty hat and clutching the Maid Café DVD, he was enthusiastically chu-ing along with the maid. Another guy did the chus and then as the girl turned away he cocked his head in a WTF kind of a way. In the corner was a pair of guys laughing so hard that one almost fell off his chair.

I left that maid café thinking that I would never go to another one again. Later however I heard stories about other maid cafés, they sounded like they offered strange and unique experiences. Such as the one where the maid treats you badly until you turn to leave, then they are suddenly mega subservient, the one where the interior is set up like a train or the one where there is a huge mystery cave in there. By far the most interesting sounding however was Cos Cha.

So I broke my vow and gave Cos Cha a visit. This café offers a few unique products, the most interesting of all is the “Heaven or Hell Jan Ken Mixed Juice”. I ordered this and after a long wait the maid came with a mixer and a rather an interesting tray.

One side contained the heaven part of the arrangement. Melon soda, blueberry jam, caramel and chocolate spread.

The other was the hell side. Wasabi, raw egg and fried oysters.

Then a game commenced, the maid and I played Jan Ken 4 times, if I won I got to choose what to add in the mixer but if I lost the maid chose. In the end I lost 3 times out of 4 so I ended up with a mix of melon soda, blueberry jam, wasabi and fried oysters.

After it was mixed the next challenge was to down it in one.

This proved to be difficult. I was doing fine until I ran into the fried oyster resting at the bottom of the cup. I nearly gagged.

Because I failed to finish the concoction in one go my punishment was to be slapped in the face.

Hard.

Twice.

I can safely say that this was an unique experience and I had quite a laugh doing it despite the horrible taste in my mouth and the big red mark left on my face. Perhaps I will go to another maid café some time but I have had just about enough odd I can take for a good long while.

Having had to deal with my terrible internet for over a year, I suddenly snapped, decided to cancel it and bought this instead:

This little device is the EMOBILE Pocket Wi-Fi D25HW. It basically uses a 3G signal and broadcasts a wi-fi one so you can use any wireless device anywhere. It can achieve speeds of up to 7.2 Mbps which, unbelievably, is miles better than my home internet ever achieved. It supports up to 5 devices at once and now I can use my iPod Touch to surf the internet when out and about, rather than using my mobile phone and incurring mad charges from my phone company. Also now I don’t have to use the terrible Japanese Twitter mobile site, but that is another story.

The device is small an easily fits in your pocket but I have yet to take it to deepest, darkest Japan. So far it has worked great anywhere I have taken it except, oddly, my bedroom at night (which may or may not able to be classed as deepest, darkest Japan depending on your opinion). So it sits in the living room charging most of the time, it’s battery life is perhaps the only drawback. They claim it lasts about 4 hours of constant use and that seems about fair but if you use it while it is charging it does not completely fill the battery, which can lead you to being caught short.

All in all, this is a great little device that frees me from the shackles of an immobile internet and allows me to procrastinate wherever I want.