A few days ago, while teaching a class, one of the kids kicked her shoe off her foot and said, “Sunny!”. The other kids giggled and I stopped what I was doing and watched her, a little perplexed. She then preceded to put the shoe back on and kick it off again. This time she exclaimed “Cloudy”.

By now I was a little confused but I let it continue because she was actually saying this weather vocabulary in English, any English practise is good. Even if it is bizarre. So, she put the shoe back on again, for yet another kick. This time she said, “Rainy”. At this point I hit her over the head with a flashcard and continued with the lesson.

Upon recounting this story to a friend, I discovered that what she was doing was an old Japanese game played by kids to find out tomorrow’s weather.

Children kick off their shoe and say “Ashita tenki ni nare” (which I think means something along the lines of, what will the weather be tomorrow?). If it lands the correct side up that means the weather is going to be sunny, if it lands the wrong way round it means it will rain and if on it’s side, cloudy. Although traditionally it was done with a Geta, that old Japanese clog sandal thing.

This knowledge lead to an epiphany for me, this sketch, which I had seen years before, suddenly made a little more sense.

I always thought she threw off her shoe because she was a bit mental. Context is a wonderful thing.

I’m sure everyone reading this will know about the phenomena of Engrish and have seen some pictures. Living here is hard to ignore it but I never seem to run into the more extreme examples that you seem to see around the shoes web.

Now, I’m no language snob, as long as the message is there and understandable, the language has done it’s job. I’m not going to point out every little error someone makes, especially when my Japanese is so bad. When you run into things like this sign though, you just have to despair.

For those who don’t know AEON is a chain of English schools here in Japan which, as far as I’m aware have a fairly good reputation. God knows how it can keep that reputation when it has a bloody English error in it’s slogan. I was actually offered an interview with this company back when I was still in England. I knew something was up when they told me that there would be no more interviews in London but suggested that I go to one in New York.

New York!

Sure, that’s not out of my way at all! Who can afford to go to New York just for an interview?

Imagine though that I had got over the pure oddity of travelling all the way to New York for a job interview for a job based in Japan and made a holiday out of it. How sick would one feel, after the stress of the interview and the money spent on air fares to America and Japan, to be confronted with the words HEARTFUL ENGLISH as you begin your first day of teaching the language?

I won’t write the words to describe how I would have felt here, mainly because it would be pretty STOMACHFUL ENGLISH.

Yay!

I still need to send presents to people. Curse my laziness.

Some time ago I was asked by one of my students for a translation of senpai. I was flummoxed, I really had no idea how to answer him. Due to the vast exposure I had to animé during my teenage years I could easily explain the concept but to come up with one word was just beyond me.

Until last night. While watching an episode of Seinfeld entitled “The Fatigues” I suddenly jumped out of my chair and yelled “That’s it!”.

I had found the word that had eluded me for so long.

In this episode Jerry dates a girl who has a successful businesswoman that advises her on day to day and business matters. Yes, he dates a girl with a mentor! This concept is such a rare and unusual thing in the west that the word completely slipped my mind but such a relationship is not so rare here. Brilliantly due to Seinfeld I have found the perfect translation for both senpai AND kohai (mentor / protégé).

Unfortunately, I can only find one clip on youtube from this episode and it completely ignores the mentor plot line. So instead I will resort to a quote that sums up the mentor /  protégé relationship perfectly.

George: I still don’t understand this. Abby has a mentor?

Jerry: Yes. And the mentor advises the protégé.

George: Is there any money involved?

Jerry: No.

George: So what’s in it for the mentor?

Jerry: Respect, admiration, prestige.

George: Pssh. Would the protégé pick up stuff for the mentor?

Jerry: I suppose if it was on the protégé’s way to the mentor, they might.

George: Laundry? Dry cleaning?

Jerry: It’s not a valet, it’s a protégé.

Of course, when it comes to the senpai and kohai, the kohai IS expected to pick up the laundry.

A friend who recently arrived in Japan asked me where he could get a haircut in this country the other day. This was a great excuse to tell him about QB House. The QB House is an interesting idea, it reduces the complication of getting a haircut to the same level as visiting your local supermarket’s delicatessen counter. You walk in, put your 1000 yen note in the slot, take your numbered ticket and then wait for your number to be called. While you wait you must remember to ask for a haircut and not a gammon steak.

It’s the moment you are called up for a haircut that, for a foreigner at least, problems arise. As my Japanese language skill is beginner level at best I have no idea how to ask for the type of hair cut I want. All I usually do is point at my hair, shape my hand like a pair of scissors and say “Snip, snip onigai shimasu”. The fact that I feel like a right idiot doing this is not helped by the look the hairdresser usually gives me afterwards, contempt would be a good way to describe it. This action does the job though and he generally realises what I want after a few confused half Japanese, half English ramblings.

I once heard that public speaking was generally considered to be a person’s biggest fear, but personally I think getting a haircut can easily match it. A least with public speaking it will all be over quite soon, get a bad haircut and you could be stuck with it for months! So why oh why do no language textbooks have a chapter in them entitled “Getting a Haircut”. In all my years of teaching (yes all one of them) I have yet to come across anything like this. Having a haircut is stressful enough normally but the stress can be magnified many times if you can’t even say what you are after.

I’m sure that a chapter in a language textbook, or maybe even a handy pull out pamphlet, with translations for phrases such as “A short back and sides”, “Just a trim” or even “Grade three” would be incredibly useful and maybe even turn the book into a million seller.

It’s all very good to be able to say “The book is on the table”, but it really doesn’t help me get the hair cut I want!